Ditch the roses: Other ways to show love this Valentine's Day

When I was a teenager, getting a love letter felt like the height of romance. I'm not sure now whether getting a 14-year-old boy's romantic gesture, sent to me in illegible lead pencil on slightly grubby paper, really was romantic, or just what I believed represented romance.

One thing I know for sure is that romance is a mutable thing. It’s a changeable beast that can shift as you and your partner age, gain more experiences or change priorities. It's also entirely dependent on the experience and life circumstances of the person involved. I discovered this when my partner de-iced my freezer for me.

Never have I felt so loved, appreciated, and seen as I did that day. Never did I find a person so attractive as the man who crouched on a wet towel at my feet, alternately plunging his hands into hot water and freezing ice, hacking bravely at years of compacted build up.

I found the sacrifice of it inherently romantic. I’m not for one minute suggesting that I’m not a big weirdo (I undoubtedly am), but that freezer thawing was so thoughtful, and so particular to the needs of my intensely busy life at that time, that it felt like an incredibly romantic gesture.

Which leads me to wonder about the nature of romance, and why we think it's is a one-size-fits-all bunch of red roses?

As a former florist who’s worked many a Valentine's Day, you can shove your red roses and the carefully thorn-free stems they rode in on. Although a classic Valentine's gift, they seem unoriginal and almost thoughtless to me, like someone bought a book on How To Be a Good Partner 101.

Some people love them though, and that’s my point - maybe consider finding out if your partner/s even like roses before buying them?

Reframing our way of giving gifts can inspire more and more creative and thoughtful gestures, and you can start by reversing the cliches: instead of buying flowers, why not plant a few flower beds so that they wake up to bursts of colour in spring? Rather than taking your partner out for a meal, spend a day meal prepping and filling the fridge with frozen meals, so that you can both kick your feet up together a bit more during the week.

The best gifts from lovers are those that show that the person giving them deeply knows you. Freezer defrosting certainly tops my list, but number two is a song my partner wrote for me. He re-wrote the lyrics to the 1969 Peter Sarsdedt hit Where do you go to my lovely? and then recorded a version of it where all the words are about me.

Admittedly, it isn’t the most flattering portrayal of me, but it made me and everyone who knew me laugh hard when we heard it, and it still makes me laugh today. Like the freezer, this gift took a lot of his time, and in both cases he was happy to offer that time in service to me, as an act of love.

I’m not sure when I stopped expecting a particular consumerist demonstration of love from my partners, but I know that none of the roses, chocolates, and jewellery I received ever made me feel as loved as an ice-free freezer.

If you’re looking for alternatives to cliched Valentines Day Gifts, here’s some suggestions.

• Offer to help them or do something for them that you know they’ve been putting off (taxes, filling out a form, weeding etc.)
• Give them a head/foot/back/full body massage, especially if they've been working on their feet all day.
• Create something especially for them, such as a poem, a picture, or a new culinary dish named in their honor.
• Look for little ways to give them small joyful surprises. My partner sometimes separates all the joined teabags when he visits, and I only find out after he’s left. It’s a small act, but it’s incredibly thoughtful.